Odds & Ends

Wacky Walgreens: The 9 Craziest Things You Can Buy From The Drugstore Online

best things to buy at walgreens
Photo by Steven Senne/AP/REX/Shutterstock
Photo by Steven Senne/AP/REX/Shutterstock
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* Weird yet useful products you can get at Walgreens online now
* “As Seen on TV,” can’t be unseen
* From handy antibacterial wipes to paternity tests

You can buy some pretty weird stuff these days online, but you wouldn’t expect to do your crazy gift shopping at an everyday drugstore. Well, think again, because we’ve uncovered 9 of the most bizarre things you can buy at Walgreens online. The most bizarre thing: these items are all actually pretty useful, and worth the purchase.

1. CPAP Chin Strap

The CPAP Chin Strap gets the award for strangest packaging art of any drugstore item we’ve seen. We’re not sure what the intricately coiffed model is suffering from that makes her require such an elaborate device to keep her mouth closed, but it looks strangely more like a trailer for a 60-minutes episode from the early 90s than a medical product ad.

Chin Strap

  

2. No-Rinse Wipes

These no-rinse cleaning and deodorizing bath wipes are seemingly intended for what they used to call a “truckstop shower.” Perhaps most bizarrely, it gives instructions on exactly which body parts it thinks you should wipe down with these antibacterial wipes. Thanks, Walgreens. TMI? You decide:

no rinse wipes

  

3. No-Rinse Moisturizing Body Wash

This No-Rinse moisturizing body wash is advertised as being used by NASA astronauts. Making it one of the only products marketed to both astronauts and crusty punks.

No Rinse Body Wash

  

4. DrugConfirm Instant Marijuana Drug Test Kit

Want to make sure your edibles are worth their salt? Or have a particularly snarky stocking-stuffer for your friend who is always high? Walgreens has you covered.

Marijuana test

  

5. Skintegrity Wound Cleanser

The Skintegrity wound cleanser may look like a spray bottle of all-surface cleaner, but rest assured it’s designed to allow fast, gentle and thorough cleansing of wounds in all stages. We presume it will sting somewhat if used as intended.

wound cleanser

  

6. Long Reach Comfort Wipe

The Long Reach Comfort Wipe, while intended to help with hygienic functions for the mobility-impaired, is also advertised to the general public as an easy alternative to actually touching the toilet paper in public restrooms. No germophobic superhero should leave home without one.

long reach comfort wipe

  

7. Roll-a-Lotion Applicator

This extended reach lotion applicator is truly a wonder of the modern age. Its 17” handle makes it perfect for lubing “hard to reach places,” and its 19 “floating balls” are designed to massage while they ensure an even spread of lotion. Will wonders never cease?

Roll lotion applicator

  

8. Reveal DNA Paternity Test

Now you can conduct your own version of the famous talk show whose tag line was “You’re Not the Father,” right at home thanks to this over the counter DNA Paternity Test from Walgreens.

reveal paternity test

  

9. Post-T-Vac Erection System

Billed as both “gentle and soft” and “strong and powerful,” this “medical grade” penile erectile vacuum boasts of the ability to deliver 30-minute erections, even if pills don’t work. If we were in the market for such a thing, we’d have a… hard time passing this one up, even if at $99.99 the price is a little… stiff.

Post-t-vac erection system All images courtesy Walgreens Walgreens

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