* Gifts for those who find the holidays a bit more dreary than cheery
* From some uniquely bleak Christmas cards to edible coal
* Plus a hoodie for when you’d rather “Sing the Sorrow” than a Christmas Carol
Here are eight of the best gifts for people who look forward to the holidays about as much as your cat looks forward to bath time. They may not give your cheerless loved-ones and friends an Ebenezer Scrooge-like epiphany, but they might just give them a smile in these dark winter days.
1. Trump Fake Santa Christmas Cards
These, ahem, “Trump cards” make a great holiday greeting for those who relish that time of year about as much as a certain president relishes hearing the words “intelligence briefing.”
2. Ho Ho Hopeless Mug
This mug is just waiting to warm someone’s cold, cold heart. As Hemmingway might have quipped around this time of year: do not ask for whom the silver bell tolls. It tolls for thee.
3. Chocolate Christmas Coal
Supposedly Santa gives you coal if you’re on the naughty list. This chocolate “coal” is both naughty and nice, just like sharing your seasonal sadness with a like-minded grinch.
4. Trump Ugly Christmas Shirt
If there’s an ugly Christmas T-shirt party, which with climate change will probably be a thing sooner or later, this one’s a “huge winner.”
5. Raxo T-Rex Christmas Sweater
From tiny hands to tiny arms, this year’s Christmas ugly-apparel makers have got a theme going on. Christmas is a bad time to be a T-Rex, what with its triggering tales of extra-bright meteors in the sky and happy mammals doing weird mammal things.
6. Anti X-Mas Bag
Put some “X-treme” edge in your X-Mas shopping with this bag. When a skateboarding Santa brings you this, you can be sure there are rad presents in it.
7. Grinch Heart Hoodie
If the holidays make you not so much vengeful and bitter as melancholy and bittersweet, this hoodie that mixes the Grinch with the perfect impression of an emo band’s album cover is entirely on point.