In this article, we’re sharing the wildest and weirdest sex toys our shopping editors have encountered over the years. This article is for adults only, and anyone who is under the age of 18 or easily offended, please click away!
Recently, we’ve been a little more interested in the odder side of online shopping. Maybe it’s all of the funky dark web-covering podcasts we’ve been listening to in recent times or way too many episodes of My Strange Addiction on TLC, but bizarre topics and objects have been piquing our curiosities lately. And after discovering a bunch of weird things sold on Amazon and even weirder things from Etsy, we seemed to discover a little bit of a theme. The weirdest sex toys have been showing up left and right.
We’re not here to kink shame. Do you, baby! As long as it’s legal and consensual, who are we to judge?
Typically, the best sex toys are deemed “the best” because they reliably bring orgasmic joy to the masses. For this guide, we’re taking a look at the more niche side of the sex toy industry. After all, there is something so thrilling about knowing these weird sex toys exist and are so easily purchased. They’re so accessible that somebody under the same roof as you might even secretly own one of them.
We can all agree that there is kink (think BDSM sex toys) and then there is kink. Like, kink that the majority of us cannot even begin to understand. Kink that, quite honestly, might even make you feel deeply uncomfortable. And while you might not be into it, you like knowing it exists out of sheer curiosity.
With that all said, SPY went searching for the weirdest sex toys you can purchase on the internet. Whether you’re interested in making these purchases or you just find the topic interesting, here they are: the weirdest sex toys on the web.
Remember: we did warn you.
1. Wolf-Themed Dildo
The first time we stumbled upon this particular dildo our jaws dropped. And while we might be showing our age with this reference, this weird sex toy is giving us #TeamJacob vibes. The best thing you can say about this toy is that it’s 100% waterproof and has dozens of enthusiastic reviews on Amazon. That’s right, the top pick in our guide to the wildest sex toys is available via Amazon Prime.
2. Queening Box
What is a queening box, you may ask? Well, that’s what Google is for. If you know, you know.
3. Dominix Deluxe Penis Plug
You’ve heard of butt plugs, but what about penis plugs? Lovehoney is the best place to buy sex toys online in our experience, and they have some very unique toys, like this penis plug. Urethral sounds are long, slender objects, usually made from medical-grade metal, that are inserted into the penis. For the small community of men who enjoy this kink, there’s nothing better. This sounding toy is designed for guys who are into sounding and BDSM, and it’s designed to plug the tip of the penis.
Read More: The 37 Best Sex Toys for Men To Try in 2022
4. Tentacle Dildo
Tentacle dildos are a thing. Don’t act too shocked. In fact, these toys have become so common that we almost didn’t include them in this guide. In some corners, they’re actually pretty tame. This 8.7-inch dildo features all of the bells and whistles including a flexible shaft, a suction cup for sticking on shower walls and little silicone tentacles scattered about for your pleasure. This octopus has tons of reviews, too, with the “most helpful” of them titled, “No Photo As Wife Won’t Stop Using It.”
5. Pretty in Pink Puppy Cage
Whether you’re into pup play (a role-play kink where people pretend to be dogs) or you feel the need to be locked in a cage for hours on end like that dude from Season 2 Episode 9 of Pose, this $2,200 “Pretty in Pink” puppy cage is all you need to get in touch with your submissive side. Each cage is made using 100% steel and is easy to assemble.
6. Single Magic Ball
Yes, you’re looking at what you think you are looking at. This is a bouncy ball with a dildo on top for solo pleasure. You know, so you can bounce from the kitchen to the living room all day long. It’s made for both men and women, so the magic ball lets fun happen for everyone. Aside from your downstairs neighbors, of course.
7. Doll Hand Nipple Clamp
Sadly, yes, these are doll hand nipple clamps. Why? We don’t know. Is there a fetish involved? Probably. Do we want to know more about it? Honestly, not really. Reviewers say these can be tighter than tight but the tightness depends on where you place the nipples between the fingers. Some areas will be looser, others will be tighter.
8. Silicone Hand
Many people enjoy fisting. It’s a big, wide world. But finding a fister is easier said than done. Now, you can purchase a silicone fist to use at your leisure. This silicone hand and arm is made to be extra bendy, and it can move left, right, and back and forth for your satisfaction.
9. Realistic Fetish Foot Masturbation Stroker
While we’re still on the topic of human extremities (third time’s the charm), we had to top off this portion with… the foosy. Yes, a foot with a — you get it. This is probably the most bizarre male masturbator we’ve ever seen in our lives, but for that, we have to give it some serious props.
10. Sqweel 2 Oral Sex Simulator
Okay, fine. One more human-based, weird sex toy for the road. The Sqweel 2 is a wheel of tongues that licks and licks and licks until you don’t want it to lick any longer. It’s one of the most bizarre, “Who thought of this?” contraptions we’ll ever see, but it might just be the Ferris wheel of your dreams.