A few months back, we went down a bit of a rabbit hole, searching far and wide for some of the weirdest items you can buy on Amazon. While some were relatively PG, such as a giant loaf of bread to be used as a pillow, others were… well… items like a wolf dildo. There’s really no other way to say it. But, this got us thinking, which other hidden corners of the internet can you purchase some odd items? Well, sadly, we got an answer way too quickly. It’s Etsy. And these weird Etsy products completely surpass the bizarreness we saw on Amazon. We almost wish we were never curious to begin with.
The thing about Etsy is that just about everything is either vintage or homemade. While most of this aspect makes Etsy an incredible place for small businesses and up-and-coming artists, it also allows for a bit of a strange grey area regarding what is allowed to be sold on Etsy. Something you might think is really wacky; another might be calling their “art.” We understand art is absolutely subjective, but some things feel like they deserve a spot on the dark web instead of Etsy.
Sure, the word “weird” is subjective as well. We get it; what you might think is weird, we might not. One thing we can all agree on with the products below: all are definitely… not the norm. Essentially, the below is a collection of oddities you can find creepy vintage shops, outlandish art fairs, and well, sex stores for the ultra-kinky.
Most of these weird Etsy products are going to make you feel uncomfortable. Expect to see some gore, some taboo topics, and some gags. And, weirdly, the majority of items you’ll see below kind of have to do with the human body. Why? Well, we’re unsure. We don’t ask questions when it comes to weird Etsy products.
From planters (yes, for your plants) you won’t believe exist to diagrams we’re not sure should be sold online, check out 27 weird Etsy products.
Ogre Ears Croc Charms
What are you doing in my swamp!? Starting off on the PG side of Etsy for all of you Crocs lovers out there, you can now place a pair of Shrek-like ogre ears in the holes of your Crocs. You know, to rep your love of your favorite animated ogre. Or, really, the only ogre you can name. Shrek is love, Shrek is life, and these charms make that known.
Baby Head Beeswax Candles
Are you a candle lover? Well, how do you feel about baby head candles? Odds are, you’ve never thought about it. Let us infiltrate your minds with this weird Etsy product, beeswax baby head candles.
Torture Chamber Sign
Etsy wall art is a must. No matter which door you keep this one in front of, it will surely give guests a semi-uncomfortable laugh. Even better if you have it pointing to the fridge.
Boob Slippers
These boob slippers are one of the least shocking items you’ll see on here, but we had to add them because, well, they’re boob slippers. It’s not quite Etsy lingerie, but hey, it comes… close.
Nicholas Cage Wooden Spoon
Because there’s no better feeling than cooking pasta than knowing Nicholas Cage is included in the process.
Human Face Pies
The best thing about pies shaped like human faces? Not just the artistry but the fact that they only go for $25.
Kim Jong Un, Live, Laugh, Love Mug
We can all agree that Kim Jong Un has quite literally never said anything close to these words, which is easily why this much is one weird thing from Etsy we can really get behind. And, TBH, one of the funniest.
Haunted Sad Boy Timmothy 4 Years Old
It isn’t a story about the weirdest things from Etsy without a classic Etsy haunted doll. Etsy has a slew of haunted dolls to choose from, including Timothy. Timothy is a four-year-old boy who cries a lot and loves cartoons and Capri Suns. Aka, your new best friend.
Rocktopus Fidget Toy
Fidget toys are all the rage, and there are loads of options available on Etsy. But we’re not looking for just any fidget toy — we’re looking for the weirdest fidget toy. And it’s safe to say we found it in this merged octopus-like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Realistic Finger Ballpoint Pen
Something we never thought would exist? Ballpoint pens that look identical to a human finger. Yet, here we are. Thank you, Etsy. These ballpoint pens are sculpted with clay and stuck right on the back of an included black ballpoint pen. Buyers can choose any skin tone they want as well, just in case they want it to look like their own hand.
Baby Black Hole
You know black holes, right? The giant black masses in space that swallow galaxies at a time bring them into total nonexistence? Yeah, those. Well, now you can adopt your very own with eyes. And, yes, it even comes with an official adoption certificate so you can prove to your friends you really do own a black hole. It just might be a small stuffed animal. They don’t have to know the truth.
Cheese Puffs Art Print
Remember what we said about Etsy wall art? Cheese puffs are art. So, cheese puff art is mandatory.
Baby Octopus in a Jar
These ethically-sourced baby octopi in a jar are ideal for sitting aside any odd knickknack you have in your home. Yeah, they’re dead, so you won’t be able to call it your “pet” unless you’re a bit kookier than the average person. Which, given where you are, you might be.
Coffin Bookshelf
Decorate your home like Wednesday Addams would with this eclectic coffin bookshelf designed for vampires and vampire lovers alike.
Anal Prolapse Pot
Yes. This is a pot for your plants that mimics an… anal prolapse. We don’t even have to tell you why this is one super weird Etsy product.
Funny Food Fried Rice Phone Case
Looking for a new phone case? Have you considered one that looks exactly like fried rice?Snag this resin case in just about any smartphone size to stand out amongst a sea of Casetify cases.
Taxidermy Punk Duck
This little duckling dressed in a punk outfit is so cute until you realize it is… dead. Honestly, they’re tragically the cutest little things we’ve ever seen.
This Man Ate My Son Sticker
It’s just way too easy to make fun of Ted Cruz. This sticker does it in a light we simply can’t replicate.
The All Seeing Lemon
This lemon sees it all. Place it in your fruit bowl, leave it on display in your kitchen, and keep it in a sneaky place in the bathroom to spook a guest out. The best thing about weird Etsy products is simply that the options are endless.
Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, Khloe Mugshot Coasters
Featuring some of the most elite and arrested celebrities in modern history, these mugshot coasters are something everyone who loves the outlandish world of celebrity reality should keep on their coffee table. Etsy funny coasters are simply mandatory.
Fried Chicken Necklace
And, no, you sadly can’t eat it.
4×6 Vintage Creepy Circus Clown Photo
Regular clowns are horrific for some, but the majority of us can agree that this clown is horrific for all. Unsurprisingly, you can purchase a 4×6 print of him on Etsy.
Baby Tray Vanity Tray
You know, to hold all of your jewelry.
Penis Car Air Valve Cap Covers
It’s safe to say that some weird Etsy products make excellent gag gifts. Place this one on anybody’s tire for a surprise they were never expecting.
The Original Shave and Play Borbie Doll
Who the hell is Barbie? All we know about is Borbie, the hairiest doll the world has ever seen. Each Borbie comes in an adorable little outfit with a razor included to shave her down smooth — because we all know she needs it.
Cuts of Farmed Human Print
Have you ever been inside an Italian deli with a poster detailing different cuts of a cow? Well, this is the same thing… for a human.
Worried Face Earrings
Etsy earrings, anyone? A worried look is the newest fashion trend. These creepy, worried earrings are ideal for creeping people out. Like, just looking at them is giving us the shivers.