Skip to main content

27 Weird Etsy Products That Feel Borderline Illegal to Sell

A few months back, we went down a bit of a rabbit hole searching far and wide for some of the weirdest items you can buy on Amazon. While some were relatively PG such as a giant loaf of bread to be used as a pillow, others were… well… items like a wolf dildo. There’s really no other way to say it. But, this got us thinking, which other hidden corners of the internet can you purchase some odd items? Well, sadly, we got an answer way too quickly. It’s Etsy. And these weird Etsy products completely surpass the bizarreness we saw on Amazon. We almost wish we were never curious to begin with.

The thing about Etsy is that just about everything is either vintage or homemade. While the majority of this aspect makes Etsy an incredible place for small businesses and up-and-coming artists, it also allows for a bit of a strange grey area regarding what is allowed to be sold on Etsy. Something you might think is really wacky, another might be calling their “art”. We understand art is absolutely subjective, but some things feel like they deserve a spot on the dark web instead of Etsy.

Sure, the word “weird” is subjective as well. We get it, what you might think is weird, we might not. One thing we can all agree on with the products below: all are definitely… not the norm. Essentially, the below is a collection of oddities you can find creepy vintage shops, outlandish art fairs and well, sex stores for the ultra-kinky.

Most of these weird Etsy products are going to make you feel uncomfortable. Expect to see some gore, some taboo topics and some gags. And, weirdly, the majority of items you’ll see below kind of have to do with the human body. Why? Well, we’re unsure. We don’t ask questions when it comes to weird Etsy products.

From planters (yes, for your plants) you won’t believe exist to diagrams we’re not sure should be sold online, check out 27 weird Etsy products.

Courtesy of Etsy

$3.99

Buy Now

What are you doing in my swamp!? Starting off on the PG side of Etsy for all of you Crocs lovers out there, you can now place a pair of Shrek-like ogre ears in the holes of your Crocs. You know, to rep your love of your favorite animated ogre. Or, really, the only ogre you can name. Shrek is love, Shrek is life and these charms make that known.

Courtesy of Etsy

$11.95

Buy Now

Are you a candle lover? Well, how do you feel about baby head candles? Odds are, you’ve never thought about it. Let us infiltrate your minds with this weird Etsy product, beeswax baby head candles.

Courtesy of Etsy

$41.69

Buy Now

Etsy wall art is a must. No matter which door you keep this one in front of, it will surely give guests a semi-uncomfortable laugh. Even better if you have it pointing to the fridge.

Courtesy of Etsy

$36.99

Buy Now

These boob slippers are one of the least shocking items you’ll see on here, but we had to add them because, well, they’re boob slippers. It’s not quite Etsy lingerie, but hey, it comes… close.

Courtesy of Etsy

$9.01

Buy Now

Because there’s no better feeling than cooking pasta than knowing Nicholas Cage is included in the process.

Courtesy of Etsy

$25.00

Buy Now

The best thing about pies shaped like human faces? Not just the artistry, but the fact that they only go for $25.

Courtesy of Etsy

$14.98 $16.65 10% off

Buy Now

We can all agree that Kim Jong Un has quite literally never said anything close to these words which is easily why this much is one weird thing from Etsy we can really get behind. And, TBH, one of the funniest.

Courtesy of Etsy

$65.00

Buy Now

It isn’t a story about the weirdest things from Etsy without a classic Etsy haunted doll. Etsy has a slew of haunted dolls to choose from, including Timothy. Timothy is a four-year-old boy who cries a lot and loves cartoons and Capri Suns. Aka, your new best friend.

Courtesy of Etsy

$10.30

Buy Now

Fidget toys are all the rage and there are loads of options available on Etsy. But, we’re not looking for just any fidget toy — we’re looking for the weirdest fidget toy. And, it’s safe to say we found it in this merged octopus-like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

Courtesy of Etsy

$17.50

Buy Now

Something we never thought would exist? Ballpoint pens that look identical to a human finger. Yet, here we are. Thank you, Etsy. These ballpoint pens are sculpted with clay and stick right on the back of an included black ballpoint pen. Buyers can choose any skin tone they want as well, just in case you want it to look like your own hand.

Courtesy of Etsy

$17.40

Buy Now

You know black holes, right? The giant black masses in space that swallow galaxies at a time bringing them into total nonexistence? Yeah, those. Well, now you can adopt your very own with eyes. And, yes, it even comes with an official adoption certificate so you can prove to your friends you really do own a black hole. It just might be a small stuffed animal. They don’t have to know the truth.

Courtesy of Etsy

$15.00

Buy Now

Remember what we said about Etsy wall art? Cheese puffs are art. So, cheese puff art is mandatory.

Courtesy of Etsy

$28.35

Buy Now

These ethically-sourced baby octopi in a jar are ideal for sitting aside any odd knickknack you have in your home. Yeah, they’re dead, so you won’t be able to call it your “pet”, unless you’re a bit kookier than the average person. Which, given where you are, you might be.

Courtesy of Etsy

$1,200.00

Buy Now

Decorate your home like Wednesday Addams would with this eclectic coffin bookshelf designed for vampires and vampire lovers alike.

Courtesy of Etsy

$57.99

Buy Now

Yes. This is a pot for your plants that mimics an… anal prolapse. We don’t even have to tell you why this is one super weird Etsy product.

Courtesy of Etsy

$38.08

Buy Now

Looking for a new phone case? Have you considered one that looks exactly like fried rice?Snag this resin case in just about any smartphone size to stand out amongst a sea of Casetify cases.

Courtesy of Etsy

$75.00

Buy Now

This little duckling dressed in a punk outfit is so cute until you realize it is… dead. Honestly, they’re tragically the cutest little things we’ve ever seen.

Courtesy of Etsy

$2.50

Buy Now

It’s just way too easy to make fun of Ted Cruz. This sticker does it in a light we simply can’t replicate.

Courtesy of Etsy

$44.99

Buy Now

This lemon sees it all. Place it in your fruit bowl, leave it on display in your kitchen, keep it in a sneaky place in the bathroom to spook a guest out. The best thing about weird Etsy products is simply that the options are endless.

Courtesy of Etsy

$34.38

Buy Now

Featuring some of the most elite and arrested celebrities in modern history, these mugshot coasters are something everyone who loves the outlandish world of celebrity reality should keep on their coffee table. Etsy funny coasters are simply mandatory.

Courtesy of Etsy

$26.65

Buy Now

And, no, you sadly can’t eat it.

Courtesy of Etsy

$4.45

Buy Now

Regular clowns are horrific for some, but the majority of us can agree that this clown is horrific for all. Unsurprisingly, you can purchase a 4×6 print of him on Etsy.

Courtesy of Etsy

$16.00

Buy Now

You know, to hold all of your jewelry.

Courtesy of Etsy

$7.43

Buy Now

It’s safe to say that some weird Etsy products make excellent gag gifts. Place this one on anybody’s tire for a surprise they were never expecting.

Courtesy of Etsy

$24.95

Buy Now

Who the hell is Barbie? All we know about is Borbie, the hairiest doll the world has ever seen. Each Borbie comes in an adorable little outfit with a razor included to shave her down smooth — because we all know she needs it.

Courtesy of Etsy

$27.42

Buy Now

Have you ever been inside an Italian deli with a poster detailing different cuts of a cow? Well, this is the same thing… for a human.

Courtesy of Etsy

$20.62

Buy Now

Etsy earrings, anyone? A worried look is the newest fashion trend. These creepy, worried earrings are ideal for creeping people out. Like, just looking at them is giving us the shivers.