The 10 Weirdest Things You Can Buy Right Now On Etsy Feel Borderline Illegal

weirdest things you can buy on
Courtesy of Etsy

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Recently, we went down a bit of a rabbit hole searching far and wide for some of the weirdest items you can buy on Amazon. While some were relatively PG such as a giant loaf of bread to be used as a pillow, others were… well… items like a wolf dildo. There’s really no other way to say it.

But, this got us thinking, which other hidden corners of the internet can you purchase some odd items? Well, sadly, we got an answer way too quickly. It’s Etsy. And the weirdest things from Etsy completely surpass the bizarreness we saw on Amazon. We almost wish we were never curious to begin with.

The thing about Etsy is that just about everything is either vintage or homemade. While the majority of this aspect makes Etsy an incredible place for small businesses and up-and-coming artists, it also allows for a bit of a strange grey area regarding what is allowed to be sold on Etsy. Something you might think is really wacky, another might be calling their “art”. We understand art is absolutely subjective, but some things feel like they deserve a spot on the dark web instead of Etsy.

From planters (yes, for your plants) you won’t believe exist to murderabilia we’re not sure should be sold online, check out 10 of the weirdest things you can buy on Etsy below.

1. Ogre Ears Croc Charms

What are you doing in my swamp!? Starting off on the PG side of Etsy for all of you Croc lovers out there, you can now place a pair of Shrek-like ogre ears in the holes of your Crocs. You know, to rep your love of your favorite animated ogre. Or, really, the only ogre you can name. Shrek is love, Shrek is life and these charms make that known.

Ogre Ears Croc Charms Courtesy of Etsy


2. Realistic Finger Ballpoint Pen

Something we never thought would exist? Ballpoint pens that look identical to a human finger. Yet, here we are. Thank you, Etsy. These ballpoint pens are sculpted with clay and stick right on the back of an included black ballpoint pen. Buyers can choose any skin tone they want as well, just in case you want it to look like your own hand.

Realistic Finger Ballpoint Pen Courtesy of Etsy


3. Baby Black Hole

You know black holes, right? The giant black masses in space that swallow galaxies at a time bringing them into total nonexistence? Yeah, those. Well, now you can adopt your very own with eyes. And, yes, it even comes with an official adoption certificate so you can prove to your friends you really do own a black hole. It just might be a small stuffed animal. They don’t have to know the truth.

Baby Black Hole Courtesy of Etsy


4. Anal Prolapse Pot

Yes. This is a pot for your plants that mimics an… anal prolapse. Because that is exactly what you want in your house.

Anal Prolapse Pot Courtesy of Etsy


5. Real Taxidermy Cowboy Duck

This little duckling dressed in a cowboy outfit is so cute until you realize it is… dead. The seller calls these “tragic but adorable” and we couldn’t agree further. Like, it’s sad and we feel bad, but we do love it, too.

Real Taxidermy Cowboy Duck Courtesy of Etsy


6. The Original Shave and Play Borbie Doll

Who the hell is Barbie? All we know about is Borbie, the hairiest doll the world has ever seen. Each Borbie comes in an adorable little outfit with a razor included to shave her down smooth — because we all know she needs it.

The Original Shave and Play Borbie Doll Courtesy of Etsy


7. Clown Feet Clown Sticker

For anybody out there both into feet and clowns (because there’s absolutely gotta be somebody out there with both of those fetishes), then boy, do we have the sticker for you. Slam it on your laptop, your water bottle — whatever. Talk about the weirdest conversation starter on the planet.

Clown Feet Clown Sticker Courtesy of Etsy


8. The Cannibal Cookbook

Yeah, you read that right. This is a cookbook that utilizes human meat as the must-have additive in every recipe. How is it legal? We’re not really sure. But, here it is if you’re curious.

The Cannibal Cookbook Courtesy of Amazon


9. Worried Face Earrings

Because a worried look is the newest fashion trend. These creepy, worried earrings are ideal for creeping people out. Like, just looking at them is giving us the shivers.

Worried Face Earrings Courtesy of Etsy


10. Mister Green Sourcock

Last but certainly not least, we had to talk about Mister Green Sourcock. Who is he? We’re not sure. What is he? We’re too afraid to ask? What does he want from us? We think everything and it is making us scared.

Mister Green Sourcock Courtesy of Etsy