A few months back, we went down a bit of a rabbit hole searching far and wide for some of the weirdest items you can buy on Amazon. While some were relatively PG such as a giant loaf of bread to be used as a pillow, others were… well… items like a wolf dildo. There’s really no other way to say it. But, this got us thinking, which other hidden corners of the internet can you purchase some odd items? Well, sadly, we got an answer way too quickly. It’s Etsy. And these weird Etsy products completely surpass the bizarreness we saw on Amazon. We almost wish we were never curious to begin with.
The thing about Etsy is that just about everything is either vintage or homemade. While the majority of this aspect makes Etsy an incredible place for small businesses and up-and-coming artists, it also allows for a bit of a strange grey area regarding what is allowed to be sold on Etsy. Something you might think is really wacky, another might be calling their “art”. We understand art is absolutely subjective, but some things feel like they deserve a spot on the dark web instead of Etsy.
Sure, the word “weird” is subjective as well. We get it, what you might think is weird, we might not. One thing we can all agree on with the products below: all are definitely… not the norm. Essentially, the below is a collection of oddities you can find creepy vintage shops, outlandish art fairs and well, sex stores for the ultra-kinky.
Most of these weird Etsy products are going to make you feel uncomfortable. Expect to see some gore, some taboo topics and some gags. And, weirdly, the majority of items you’ll see below kind of have to do with the human body. Why? Well, we’re unsure. We don’t ask questions when it comes to weird Etsy products.
From planters (yes, for your plants) you won’t believe exist to diagrams we’re not sure should be sold online, check out 27 weird Etsy products.
Ogre Ears Croc Charms
What are you doing in my swamp!? Starting off on the PG side of Etsy for all of you Crocs lovers out there, you can now place a pair of Shrek-like ogre ears in the holes of your Crocs. You know, to rep your love of your favorite animated ogre. Or, really, the only ogre you can name. Shrek is love, Shrek is life and these charms make that known.
Haunted Sad Boy Timmothy 4 Years Old
It isn’t a story about the weirdest things from Etsy without a classic Etsy haunted doll. Etsy has a slew of haunted dolls to choose from, including Timothy. Timothy is a four-year-old boy who cries a lot and loves cartoons and Capri Suns. Aka, your new best friend.
Realistic Finger Ballpoint Pen
Something we never thought would exist? Ballpoint pens that look identical to a human finger. Yet, here we are. Thank you, Etsy. These ballpoint pens are sculpted with clay and stick right on the back of an included black ballpoint pen. Buyers can choose any skin tone they want as well, just in case you want it to look like your own hand.
Baby Black Hole
You know black holes, right? The giant black masses in space that swallow galaxies at a time bringing them into total nonexistence? Yeah, those. Well, now you can adopt your very own with eyes. And, yes, it even comes with an official adoption certificate so you can prove to your friends you really do own a black hole. It just might be a small stuffed animal. They don’t have to know the truth.
Baby Octopus in a Jar
These ethically-sourced baby octopi in a jar are ideal for sitting aside any odd knickknack you have in your home. Yeah, they’re dead, so you won’t be able to call it your “pet”, unless you’re a bit kookier than the average person. Which, given where you are, you might be.
Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, Khloe Mugshot Coasters
Featuring some of the most elite and arrested celebrities in modern history, these mugshot coasters are something everyone who loves the outlandish world of celebrity reality should keep on their coffee table. Etsy funny coasters are simply mandatory.
Penis Car Air Valve Cap Covers
It’s safe to say that some weird Etsy products make excellent gag gifts. Place this one on anybody’s tire for a surprise they were never expecting.