I’ll keep it real with you: I don’t know anything about football. But, what do I love? A good reason to get drunk on a Sunday, and the Super Bowl always makes for a solid reason to.
Super Bowl LVII is slated for Sunday, February 12, 2023. While the rest of you are likely excited to watch whatever teams are going head to head that day, I’m mostly excited about the best Super Bowl snacks, a hard seltzer or seven, and of course, Rihanna performing during the halftime show. Don’t get me wrong; I still like to play pretend every Super Bowl. I’ll throw on a jersey to support it. I’ll touch a football. But this Super Bowl Sunday, I’m bringing a game-changer to the Super Bowl party: the Footbottle.
I first learned about the Footbottle two Halloweens ago when I posted on my Instagram story, “does any straight man in Brooklyn have a football I can borrow for my Halloween costume?” Of course, I was going as a slutty football player, but no bites. Either there are no more straight men in Brooklyn, or nobody trusted me to get their football back to them in one piece. Either makes sense. I did get a DM from one friend of a friend linking to the Footbottle. She told me she got one for her dad last Christmas, and he has brought it to every Patriots tailgate since. Which, I guess, was a lot. But I don’t know her dad.
I placed it in my Amazon shopping cart and asked no further questions.
Upon its arrival for the various Halloween parties that I went to that year, I was instantly hit with compliments, curiosities, questions, and of course, asks for sips. No one cared about my skanky little costume, just the plus one I brought with me: the Footbottle. It was more of a hit than I wanted it to be.
The Footbottle holds 10 ounces of any desired liquid, so I chose tequila because I’m smart. The Footbottle is also a fully operational football, too. It holds like a football; it throws like a football, it feels like a football — that’s what makes it such a stellar piece of equipment for parties and tailgates. It’s as multipurpose as it gets.
While the Footbottle (in my opinion) is fully made for sloppy adults looking to get drunk, it really doesn’t have an age limit. I can absolutely see this being a must-have for a blue Gatorade-stained-mouth kid on the sidelines of his older brother’s high school football game. I know damn well I’d be jealous at that age if I saw another kid with one of these bad boys.
Ultimately, the Footbottle is simply fun to own, whether you’re a football fan from the ages of 3 to 300 or someone going to a Super Bowl party who just wants to be extra.
Sparked curiosity? Order yours now ahead of the big game and become the life of the party you were born to be.